A Grand New Plan

So I have decided on something.

I am no longer going to spend my time here worrying and being frustrated. If I keep going on like that, I will waste my entire time here. If German media outlets don't think I am good enough for them, then they are missing out. And I will continue to KNOW that something great will come out of this, whether I end up working where I want to work or finding time to write what I think and feel and believe. Either way, I'll find out who I really am and what I want.

And I think, ultimately, that is why I am here.

So no more wasting time worrying if I am doing the right thing each day. No more oh no should I have sent that letter a day earlier or oh poo I don't think I registered with that office correctly or I can't forget to terminate my Bahn Card on time or I can't believe I didn't find out about that seminar and now it's too late to go.

Ten months. I have been here for two. And all I have done is worry. Worry whether I am doing all that I can do and exactly what I am supposed to do. Worry that I am not worthy to be here. Worry that Fulbright thinks they made a mistake in giving me this opportunity.

But I have never before doubted myself, and I am not about to start. At least I know that when I set my mind on something, I will accomplish it. It may take a while, but I will do it. That is a trait I am lucky to have. So that's it. I am done worrying. Whatever happens, happens.

I am so lucky.

And it's my job to take in every second while I am here and enjoy it to the fullest. And discover why I think it is I am here. And how to use my time here in a way that will be most advantageous TO ME. I am done worrying about what other people think. I know I am smart, I know I will do something with my life and I know I deserve to be here. Now all I have to do is figure out how to show it.

It will all come together. This is still the beginning.

Ok, now that I have written down my anti-worrying plan, (kind of for my own benefit), I am also going to include an update. Lately I have been still finalizing German bureaucracy stuff (I still have yet to get my residence permit, and I have to go this week but I am dreading it so much that I keep putting it off... my friend told me it took her the entire day, or at least the entire time the office was open. Not to mention I will probably have to go about two or three times before I actually might have all of the correct documents in order to get the damn thing.)

I have been e-mailing Fulbright about the status of my job applications as well as the status of my reimbursement for my travels. But no response. And apparently, they don't like getting too many e-mails... so...

This week is actually pretty busy. Today I met with my friend Charlotte and she looked over my papers for the KVR (where I have to get the permit) and decided she thought I had everything I needed. Ah you guessed it, she was the one that spent the whole day there obtaining this little green piece of paper, and it was third times the charm for her as well.

I think Germany really believes in the saying "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Lesson learned, thanks.

Tomorrow I am braving the Kreisverwaltungsreferat and then I have my first real press opportunity. That's right. I am going to the Election Results Party that has been organized by the Democrats Abroad Chapter here in Munich. I will write something on it, but basically I am really excited I got to go. Once I found out the event, registration for it was also closed so I had to pull the journalist card. But I am really glad I did. I think it will also be a great opportunity to meet people, and it will be a great event nonetheless.

Wednesday I have an appointment to meet with the international director for Kommunikationswissenschaft (which is the subject I was assigned to for the University), and hopefully he might also have some suggestions for me. Then Wednesday night is when I play soccer with the Munich Rovers girl's team.

Thursday I have a choir rehearsal (we are going to sing carols for a Christmas concert), but the rest of the day is fairly open.

And I am still trying to decide if I should venture to Frankfurt this weekend for a Fulbright alumni meeting. I can't decide if the material presented will be worth my time and my money, especially since es gibt ein ganz Unterschied zwischen mein Fulbright und andere Fulbrights. So I am still working on that one.

YAY! Busy week! Plus — Lisa and I just made plans today to spend all of Monday next week baking Christmas cookies.


I think cookies are key in dissolving worry.