'Twas The Night Before Leaving And All Through The House...

There are grumpy moods, anxious stomachs and mutterings of "it's gonna be fine," "you're gonna be great," amongst the disarray.

I will be fine. Hopefully I will be great.

It is all so surreal to me, it still doesn't even feel like this is my last night in America. For a very long time. But there is excitement there, buried under the anxiety. Excitement that I know will burst out of me the moment I step off of the plane, if not before.

A friend told me to write down what I am feeling at this moment, not to be sentimental, but so that I have a good gauge of where I came from and where I am at the moment. This way, I can see how much I grow.

So I will try and encapsulate my feelings at this moment, if that is indeed what she was meaning for me to do.

I am nervous. There is a feeling in my stomach that squeezes tightly whenever I think of leaving. It's definitely not to say that I am not looking forward to going—that is not the case whatsoever—it's just such a big change, and I will be away from everyone who cares about me and loves me for such a long time. But this feeling is also a feeling of knowing that my life is going to change forever, and I am sure it will be an experience that will be like none other, and that will give me an invaluable part of my life that I won't be able to live again.

So I must keep in mind to absolutely cherish every second and not take anything for granted.

As for what I want to accomplish: I think I still have to ponder this deeper. Other grantees have their ideas set out before them in the form of projects or theses, but this is not something I have an absolute desire to do. What do I want to do? I don't know. I want to travel, I want to talk to people, I want do as much as I possibly can. But this is problematic. I still need to find a way to narrow it down. Working for Reuters or CNN would be cool, but hard news isn't my favorite and I don't just want to be another face in the crowd. But everyone has to start somewhere, hey?

I am hoping my mind will clear up once I am settled in, and everyone keeps telling me it will.

Until that happens, I hope that my journey there goes as well as it possibly can.

Please oh please.